Camden Lock - Pasture of Muppets

You see - the Sloganfuhrer decreed that the throbbing emporium of Meaningless Slogan should mutate, indeed, metamorphise. To greet the oncoming tsunami of customers with more and more lovely stuff and ensuring appeasement of their rampant consumerist desires, we are not only continuing our shining collaboration with Paul but giving it its own name and opening up in a number of choice locations across the metrolopiss.

It's ALIVE - it's 'A VARIETY OF SINS'

To make things simple, here's a rundown of where you can find us:

Fridays (to be confirmed)

- Covent Garden Apple Market (kitchen stuff with loads of groovy new products)

Saturdays

- Camden Lock, East Yard, 2 stalls -

- Former public grief junkie stall is now a joint t-shirt outlet

- Former meaningless slogan stall is now for the kitchen stuff

Sundays

Camden Lock, East Yard (as Saturday)

Spitalfields (the proper one, not the converted carpark at Brick Lane)

- Kitchen stuff

Further locations and even more products will be announced soon - plus a brand new web-based shop so you can grab a custom-sewn original Camden punk apron without even getting out of bed..........

Thank you to all the adorable customers who made the year of Meaningless Slogan so succulent and strangely firm. I demand you all come to see us at any convenient point of our expanding empire.

This blog will close. A new blog, written by the Sloganfuhrer, will be posted jolly soon. The url of that blog will be posted here so you don't get too confused by all the technology.

In the meantime, let's have a look at a recent photo of some of our beautiful customers. This imposing bunch are all founder members of the Anti-Doily League:

The fimble fowl with the corkscrew leg

You see - the first time I met Paul I felt like saying, 'sorry, my good man, I already have this month's 'Big Issue''. He had the air of a twisted character from Dickens, propelled forward by some Wellsian time travel device from the foggy gas-lit streets of Whitechapel to the East Yard in 2007. Nothing has changed.

Never mind - help is at hand, because large feet are afoot. The combined show-stopping success of Paul's Public Grief Junkie bazaar and Meaningless Slogan is slowly being delivered by cesarean section to an agog public. Crowds of well-wishers leave floral gifts with tiny pink cards saying 'you are both miserable bastards' outside our several houses. All this means we are teaming up to do new stuff and opening a joint stall.

Next weekend, striding manfully to face the challenges of the coming century, resolutely and decisively gazing on combined harvesters with square jaws, we will be trading in the West Yard under a flag of convenience AS WELL as our normal Chateaux in the East Yard. So get down there and feast your consumerist lust on the tasty morsels on offer - satisfaction is a mere hors d'oeuvre on the menu.

Meanwhile, our regular visitors continue to make the sloganfuhrer smirk with indulgence. Take, for example, the combined pulchritude of Abi (left) and Laura. Could a decent slogan wish to adorn two finer specimens of British womanhood? - Naaaah!

Ich werde in die tannen gehen

You see - the world needs people like Charity (right) and Clara. Charity currently holds the world record for frequency of visits to meaningless slogan - 3 visits in 4 days. Either accompanied by the delightful Abbi of underground school uniform fame or alone, Charity has brought a smile to the windswept face of the Sloganfuhrer.

The ray of sunshine provided by our regulars makes the lashing rain, insolent Spaniards and a particularly untuneful Israelite seem almost bearable.

The correct way to wear trousers

What is going on?

Why do people insist on showing their backsides to the world? Is it 'street' to look like a drooling male 'prison ho'? - Obviously, yes. Here at the Daily Meaningless we say 'sod off' to anyone whose trousers reveal even a hint of bumcrack. As for wearing your knickers high up to show off the label - it's all too ghastly to consider.

The hapless fool shown here was caught on camera visiting one of the Camden Lock traders who obviously attracts and even encourages that sort of 'individual'. Note the elegantly positioned blue plastic carrier bag in the back pocket - clearly another sign of 'respek' to 'da hood'

However, help is at hand - Meaningless Slogan is bashing out new designs and new shirts at a rate of 2 or 3 per week so slouch off to the Lock and see what's new!. Dave's arse will probably be on display. God help us all.

International Crisis special

'Smiling' Swedes cause sensational resignation of Prime Minister.

Camden Lock Market - Recently

A group of Swedish people attending the Meaningless Slogan stall at the weekend were seen to be smiling. The incident was witnessed by several bystanders and sensationally caught on camera by our photographer.

Mr. Bjornandbenny, Swedish Prime Minister and not at all boring, at once called a crisis meeting in Stockholm. Hours later, a statement read: 'The Swedish Government realises that very occasionally our citizens do indulge in 'smiling' when on trips to foreign cities. However, they should know that this kind of behaviour is damaging the reputation of all Swedes everywhere'

Resignation

As soon as the scandal broke, Mr. Bjornandbenny was confronted by a damming youtube video showing him during his university days, openly smiling for the camera. The Prime Minister later claimed he had 'experimented' with smiling but 'didn't inhale'. Resignation was inveitable and swift.

PM flees disguised as moron

There has been one sighting of Bjornandbenny (in blue hat, below) since he fled his official residence on Sunday evening. Snapped by our ever-eagle-eyed reporter, he appears to have joined a cult of bad-taste worshippers in Jamtland. Note the facial expressions are all government-approved 'swedish' smiles - no teeth in evidence here.

Das ist mein Teil

You see - the daily apple pie of life brings its custard and its crust. The custard is sweetly engaging and the crust gives one something to bite. To use another culinary metaphor - it's the answer to the eternal question - why did the architect have the house made backwards?. Answers on a postcard or comment - if you are correct and can be bothered to leave your address you will receive a free shirt of my choice. Confidential replies will be treated with the disdain they deserve.


However - help is at hand thanks to the never-starting creativity of the powerhouse of meaningless slogan. Storming into the changing room, our reporter spotted millions of new slogans when she visited Camden Lock last weekend. At least 3 visitors were stunned by the vastness and sheer sheerness of the originality on display.


To be poplular, you do not have to be any good - look at Amy Winehouse - but, if you have something to say - go along to the meaningless slogan outlet and enjoy a chocolate mouse. Apparently, satisfation is a mere formality.

.....and deliver us from weasel

You see - when you have a real weasel visiting the world's largest supplier of quality weasel-oriented apparel, sparks have to fly. It reminds me of the current crisis of confidence in house prices, and the inevitable 'braindrain' that will follow. Leading lntellectuals will look for other countries where they can think up their slogans without ill-timed financial and moral influence from the establishment. Staying calm under pressure is the order of the day.

Football Latest

Thankfully the England football team was apparently too pathetic to reach the final round of whatever idiotic competition is currently being played somewhere in Europe. I heard a man called 'Chris Waddle' reporting on the situation. He said in pidgin English that the city hosting the games doesn't 'feel like a city staging a major tournament' - presumably he meant that, due to the absence of England supporters, there are few incidents of tatooed fat men vomiting 17 pints of beer into passing pushchairs, whilst the others do silly 'Nazi' salutes and all the rest of the chavvery that is our best-know export. So well done, England! - keep losing and give our country a chance to get a reputation for something more than over-paid ponces in vast shorts falling over in the penalty area.

Shame and damnation as usual

It'z a zet-up, Guv

You see, one of the Daily Meaningless reporters was attending a cocktail party recently. Now old Mosey, the host, was feeling a little frisky and the gentlemen retired to the billiard room for a couple of frames. It was all good clean fun, the sort of thing healthy chaps get up to when matron isn't looking. The Nazi caps, long-legged nymphettes in jack boots and suspiciously baggy trousers, maps of Poland with Warsaw crossed out, not to mention the maps of Warsaw with Poland crossed out, were all well within the rules of billiards, according to old Mosey's spokesman, Manfred von Veaselmark. Sadly news was leaked and a fearful kerfuffle broke out until the truth of the innocence and purity of the jolly jape could be established.

Scandal averted

In order to preserve the good name and reputation of the Daily Meanignless and to avoid such misunderstandings in the future, we have subscribed to voluntary membership of the famous WM Certification Scheme. In the future all our drunken role-playing orgies will be subject to the most exacting standards.

Vive La Resistance

Just to make it clear whose side we're on, we have even hired a French person - so there.

Special photo report

Photo exclusive: The computer discs of a strange operation based in Camden Lock Market called 'meaningless slogan' have recently fallen into our hands. Sir Max Profit tried to sell them to 'The Daily Meaningless' for a four-figure sum (£3.99) but we saw through that little ploy and pinched them ourselves.

So, without further ado, here are Ruth and Maria making friends:

The delightful Candice is caught here using the meaningless slogan public telephone service:

The meaningless 'Pirate Top' is finding its niches among the wardrobes of the famous:

Before you acuse 'The Daily Meaningless' of cashing in by publishing photos of nubile young ladies, here's one of a well 'ard geezer in a supple bamboo t-shirt. (accompanied by a nubile young lady).

Gayprons abound

You see - the sub-prime mortgage crisis has led to an immense increase in the price of food. A portion of chips in Camden Town now costs almost as much as a 3-bed semi in Clacton. Who is to blame for this horrible state of affairs?

Not the banks, for sure. The Daily Meaningless understands that fluffy merchant bankers, analysts and consultants really do need to receive their bonuses otherwise they get upset. So it's not their fault at all. We fully agree that the rest of the country should finance them. Moreover, we recognise that once their justifiable desire to make an extra few quid a year is exposed as criminal extortion, the Government should collapse on all its 'free enterprise' - 'sink or swim' hot air and use everyone's money to bail them out. We are 100% in accordance with the idea that the Government should buy votes from the house-owning public by giving more of the population's money to the banks, who obviously have not had enough of it so far.

An alternative view is the whole thing stinks worse than the dung heap of a pig farm in Lower Saxony. Never mind - help is close at hand. Now you have to fry your sausage at home instead of dining out with friends every night - why not grab a meaningless slogan apron and give everyone a well-earned bonus as you lightly toss their salad?

Cogito, ergo eco

You see - hot water bottle sales have dropped like the Mayor of London's personal popularity. Fluffy slippers have become a thing of the past as the world prepares for a right roasting only surpassed in temperature by the devil's spiciest codpiece. Beach traders on the polar riviera, formely known as 'the icecap', are selling out of factor 9 sun-block. In the antarctic, you can't find enough ice for a decent jug of Pimm's. It's all too depressing. However, help is at hand as meaningless slogan thrusts a rapier-like blow at the heart of climate change in the form of bamboo t-shirts. Their creativity knows no end - and no beginning, either.

Terrible news from Russia

You see, this is what happens when you mix post-Soviet politics with too much pocket-money - another hamster disaster. How can they stand this continual gnawing away at their rights? Was this the only reason why Trotsky went to Trondheim? Did Tsar Nicholas wear attention-grabbing trousers for nothing? Did Dostoievski understand that by introducing the nation to a conscious understanding of its own psychological sub-culture, he was laying the foundation for a future to be decided by the flick of a hamster's paw?

Better news, however: Lovely and quite captivating customers of meaningless slogan are all we live for. It's all too beautiful.

Boris Johnson now has a Meaningless Slogan t-shirt, and we are not kidding - it was delivered today. It was a hippomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, on blue men's xl. Boris was delighted, and if you don't believe us, send the blond bombsite an email and ask him. The full story will appear in our forthcoming 'London Mayor-oh my god- they elected God' edition.

A note from the Editor

We are so very very sorry that the Daily Meaningless has been delayed in publication this week.

We have been busy investing tens of billions of pounds in a whapping great white corporate headquarters (pictured above) somewhere in East London, jam-packed with the latest gadgets, computers, remote-controlled daleks - more or less the whole caboodle. The project is well underway and will be completed in 2034, along with the Olympic stadium.

However, the upgrading of equipment and facilities will mean OUT with old working practices and IN with the new 'lean and mean' approach. This has meant a review of staffing levels and a subsequent overall reduction of 50%.

Since I am the only staff member here at the Daily Meaningless, I have had to make half of myself redundant, leading to access issues for the half I did not fire. On top of this, the half I had to let go is taking the other half to court claiming unfair dismissal on grounds of sexism.

According to Mrs. Opasnaya Krasavitsa, a leading Kremlinologist and authority on labour disputes, I sacked my 'feminine' side. The feminine side has become highly unpredictable recently. I am listing some of its actions so you can recognise the warning signs if the same thing happens to you:

the feminine side is:

- picketing the building and making rude faces at mounted policemen
- living in a tent with Ms. Norka, a Latvian carpenter from Clacton
- refusing to shave its armpit
- receiving a £76,000 / year grant from the Mayor of London for a new thermos flask

You thought that industrial action was a thing of the past? - Sadly the spectre of left-wing radicalism still flits from shadowy nook to darker cranny at the slightest opportunity.

Thus in these troubled times we beg your forgiveness, dear readers, and trust you will be looking forward to the resumption of your favourite source of quality news and comment.

Yours

The Editor

Another Camden Fire Suspect Throws in the T-shirt

The Shock of it All

We are saddened and mildly stunned that Camden Canal Market stall-holder, Fidel Castro, has decided to give up after the fire. He had been a stallholder for 632 years and was the first to offer a unique blend of 4-hour sales speeches and the death penalty for any customer caught trying to cross the canal on an old Sainsbury's trolley.

Imperialism

Commenting on his retirement, Mr. Castro (real name - Abraham Lincoln), droned: 'I shall continue to fight the forces of imperialism by writing for the Daily Meaningless in a weekly blog on the internet'

Official Silence

The Daily Meaningless refused to discuss the whole situation. What can we expect from people like that?

Fire Special!

Great Balls of Fire

Well, it had to happen, because it did. Fires are like that. It all seemed highly improbable, but then again who would predict that one day Amy Winehouse would be capable of saying a sentance without a hint of self-publicity?

Bish on the rocks

The befuddled, bedraggled, befrocked bishop has taken a lot of battering this week - in fact more than your average large cod in the hands of a careless chip shop owner

Press Coverage

We wish to complain about the moronic tabloid press, particularly 'the daily meaningless'. It is shameful nonsense.

Forthcoming Valentine's Day Special

It seems wherever we go, meaningless political satire stalks our every step. We are fed up with people 'having a go' at our leaders and role models. We say NO! to taking the piss out of those, who by their very incompetence, define the greatness of our proud island home. We say NO! to hypocrisy as well.

Valentine's day, that great festival of spending money on sentimental nonsense, is looming. Click on the paper to the right and read all about it................

Last week's edition

We have no idea who the man in the blue shirt may be, so if it's you we are sorry, we didn't mean to offend you. Click over the paper to magnify it.

All the news that's meaningless

Meaningless slogan, arch enemies of tedious t-shirts, lurks in Camden Town, London (that's London, England, in case any Americans are reading).

Meaningless brings you an amazingly superfluous range of hard-to-get items of apparel, (we mean t-shirts) all uniquely hand-made using the finest ingredients such as fluffy fair-trade cotton.

'The Daily Meaningless' is the official newspaper of the company and is packed full of one page of hard-hitting fiction and comment. Published on www.meaninglessslogan.com - The Daily Meaningless is free to read every week.

Come and find us upstairs at Camden Lock Market on Fridays and Saturdays and bring true meaninglessness to your life.

If you really feel you cannot wait to establish contact, please email us on meaning@meaninglessslogan.com