Cogito, ergo eco

You see - hot water bottle sales have dropped like the Mayor of London's personal popularity. Fluffy slippers have become a thing of the past as the world prepares for a right roasting only surpassed in temperature by the devil's spiciest codpiece. Beach traders on the polar riviera, formely known as 'the icecap', are selling out of factor 9 sun-block. In the antarctic, you can't find enough ice for a decent jug of Pimm's. It's all too depressing. However, help is at hand as meaningless slogan thrusts a rapier-like blow at the heart of climate change in the form of bamboo t-shirts. Their creativity knows no end - and no beginning, either.

Terrible news from Russia

You see, this is what happens when you mix post-Soviet politics with too much pocket-money - another hamster disaster. How can they stand this continual gnawing away at their rights? Was this the only reason why Trotsky went to Trondheim? Did Tsar Nicholas wear attention-grabbing trousers for nothing? Did Dostoievski understand that by introducing the nation to a conscious understanding of its own psychological sub-culture, he was laying the foundation for a future to be decided by the flick of a hamster's paw?

Better news, however: Lovely and quite captivating customers of meaningless slogan are all we live for. It's all too beautiful.

Boris Johnson now has a Meaningless Slogan t-shirt, and we are not kidding - it was delivered today. It was a hippomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, on blue men's xl. Boris was delighted, and if you don't believe us, send the blond bombsite an email and ask him. The full story will appear in our forthcoming 'London Mayor-oh my god- they elected God' edition.

A note from the Editor

We are so very very sorry that the Daily Meaningless has been delayed in publication this week.

We have been busy investing tens of billions of pounds in a whapping great white corporate headquarters (pictured above) somewhere in East London, jam-packed with the latest gadgets, computers, remote-controlled daleks - more or less the whole caboodle. The project is well underway and will be completed in 2034, along with the Olympic stadium.

However, the upgrading of equipment and facilities will mean OUT with old working practices and IN with the new 'lean and mean' approach. This has meant a review of staffing levels and a subsequent overall reduction of 50%.

Since I am the only staff member here at the Daily Meaningless, I have had to make half of myself redundant, leading to access issues for the half I did not fire. On top of this, the half I had to let go is taking the other half to court claiming unfair dismissal on grounds of sexism.

According to Mrs. Opasnaya Krasavitsa, a leading Kremlinologist and authority on labour disputes, I sacked my 'feminine' side. The feminine side has become highly unpredictable recently. I am listing some of its actions so you can recognise the warning signs if the same thing happens to you:

the feminine side is:

- picketing the building and making rude faces at mounted policemen
- living in a tent with Ms. Norka, a Latvian carpenter from Clacton
- refusing to shave its armpit
- receiving a £76,000 / year grant from the Mayor of London for a new thermos flask

You thought that industrial action was a thing of the past? - Sadly the spectre of left-wing radicalism still flits from shadowy nook to darker cranny at the slightest opportunity.

Thus in these troubled times we beg your forgiveness, dear readers, and trust you will be looking forward to the resumption of your favourite source of quality news and comment.

Yours

The Editor